Who can escape being a delinquent by age 16…
anyone? No? Feel like somebody stole the sweet
from your birthday party? Whatever your
jurisdiction, you probably broke these laws:
_Litter.
_Trespass.
_Loiter, at the mall or corner store.
_Squash a penny (deface fed currency).
_Ignore paying taxes on mowing, sitting, etc.
_Jaywalk, cross against a light.
_Sneak snacks into a theater.
_Stuff pockets with stuff at cafés or buffets.
_Bicycle on the sidewalk.
_Skip wearing a helmet while bicycling.
_Bicycle after dark without reflective gear.
_Rollerskate or -blade in off-limits area.
_Drive without license (incl ATV, moped, boat).
_Drive a mile-per-hour over the speed limit.
_Eavesdrop.
_Spy, shadow.
_Secretly record (audio or video) people.
_Curfew violation.
_Truancy (even skipping out for lunch).
_Decibel level (noise) violation.
_Use phone-sex line or age-restricted chatroom.
_View or distribute pornography.
_See restricted movies without a legal guardian.
_Sexual activity as a minor.
_Nudity, public exposure.
_Obscenity (verbal, gesturing or written).
_Disturb the peace (incl yelling).
_Panhandle, beg.
_Busk, perform on streets for money or goods.
_Tag, any type of street graffito.
_Haze, like in an initiation.
_Prostitute; arrange for a prostitute.
_Gamble (with money or goods).
_Hunt or fish without a license.
_Possess a weapon without a license.
_Vandalize public or private property.
_Bribery (with money, goods or services).
_Fraud, incl a fake ID.
_Forgery (incl permission slips).
_Impersonate someone(s).
_Theft, incl shoplifting.
_Plant evidence, frame someone(s).
_Plagiarism (copying homework).
_Aid or abet someone doing a crime.
_Collusion, lying to protect a friend.
_Conspire or co-conspire.
_Perjury, lying under an oath.
_Hack into a website or e-mail addy.
_Tamper with U.S. mail.
_Verbal or physical assault or battery.
_Gossip or slander with malice or spite.
_Create or distribute libelous material.
_Underage tobacco use (incl chew, snuff).
_Underage consumption of alcohol.
_Intoxication; public intoxication.
_Street-drug purchase or use.
_Prescribed pharmaceutical drug abuse.
_Use of a drug prescribed for another.
_Possession of any illicit intoxicant.
_Possession of illicit drug paraphernalia.
_Supplying or selling an illicit substance.
The list goes on to include more heinous crimes.
If you were caught, or if you got away with it, or
if you're hiding, you're still a criminal.
My guess is that you're consorting with criminals
and have an abstract fixation on portraits of
criminals in pop culture or art.
Ask if we need laws against acne, obesity,
laziness, stupidity. Or good looks. Or a boring
personality. Or weird hair or clothes. Or against
the displaying or hiding of emotions. Or against
anyone with an enviable social, athletic, artistic,
academic, mathematic or musical ability.
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CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY:
I, ________________(name), do voluntarily
declare myself a member of the cult of common
criminals, on this day_________(date).
Signature of a witness____________(/date)